021 VOICE LIST NINE

[deadliestviper]

Fine.

You've all thought about it, even if you haven't said it: if you could kill anyone, or order anyone killed, from your world or here, who would it be?

If you feel like answering a bonus question, why? Unless you're extraordinarily brave, I expect your answer privately. No judgment.

Comments

[ Private ]

[deadliestviper]

Do you ever wish you'd stayed behind?

[There may or may not be an audible slap as Beatrix's palm goes to her forehead.] No, she was not flawed. It was a punishment meant for me, not her. He tried to kill me while I was pregnant with her and only I survived.

[ Private ]

[warisart]

No. Yes. [A hesitation between the confidence of the no, the uncertainty of the yes; then continues right down the middle.] No.

But I do wish we had been even slightly more prepared. That they had not been so thorough in sequestering us from the rest of the world. It would have made so much so much easier.

[He hesitates again, unsure of what mistake he made until he remembers exactly what they're talking about.]

...I'm sorry, Beatrix. I didn't know.

[ Private ]

[deadliestviper]

Leaving was the right decision, I think. But it might have been simpler to stay.

They didn't tell you anything at all about it. Did they ever explain what you would do when you were sent out into it?

[A quiet sigh and he may even be able to pick up the smile in her voice.]

It's all right. You couldn't have known.

R[ Private ]

[warisart]

Constantly: Follow orders. We were meant to stay in service to Manticore or to Manticore's clients. More advanced environmental training was scheduled for later in our development, but we... left before then. If we encountered an unfamiliar situation we were supposed to request directions from our superior officers.

[The last, he agrees with. He couldn't have known, which makes it all the stranger that he still feels guilty.

And curious, though he knows he shouldn't. B will shut him down if she doesn't want to talk about it but she's never been cruel to him, never hurt him, and that more than anything encourages him to ask.]

Did you name her?

[ Private ]

[deadliestviper]

Were you ever meant to be unsupervised, at any point in your life? Surely your superiors didn't intend to watch you for every second of every day. [Beatrix tilts her head to the side, lips going flat and thin in displeasure (at the information, not Ben).] What if you disagreed with the directions?

[The question doesn't offend her, but she shakes her head a bit sadly.] No. It all happened too early for that.

[ Private ]

[warisart]

We escaped when I was eleven years old. Preliminary solo field operations were tentatively scheduled for the fifteenth year, pending individual subject progress and proficiency. Until such a time as we had proven we were trustworthy, we were confined to the compound.

[He tilts his head, and even before he can answer the question about disobedience, there's the flash of the indoctrination he has to overcome. It still makes his mouth twitch.] Disagree? We didn't disagree. Not if we valued what freedom we had.

[And then a slight softening of the rigidity that speaking about Manticore always automatically brings back into his demeanor, more open, personal curiosity. Younger.]

Is... there a timetable? For naming. Children. [Ben wouldn't know.]

[ Private ]

[deadliestviper]

Did you want to get to that point?

[It's the most personal question she'll ask, and the only one, although she has many others – what freedom did they have? What were the targets on these solo missions? And what did one have to do to prove their trustworthiness?]

Not quite. The child's officially named soon after birth, but some parents pick names years in advance and some don't choose until the last minute. At the time, my fiancé and I were still deciding on a name we both liked.

[ Private ]

[warisart]

[Ben would answer any of them to the best of his ability; he's accustomed to the things about himself that others would consider private or personal being public domain, and he's just settled enough here that he's even willing to offer some of his private thoughts as well. She's been kind to him. She's being kind to him. He doesn't hesitate.]

We didn't want. Four years was too far ahead to seem real, we took a day at a time. It might have changed by the time we were old enough anyway, so wanting it was worse than futile.

[To the rest, he considers for a moment, then:]

I understand.