040 VOICE LIST SIXTEEN

[deadliestviper]

[Coming out of her first death toll (first real death toll; those times on the Mirror Barge don’t count), Beatrix is in bad shape. Everything hurts and she’s moving much slower than normal, shivering from a cold that just won’t go away. But there are things to be said, news to be shared, and they won’t wait for her to feel better. When the audio clicks on it catches nothing but a breath of air, the sound of hair brushing fabric and skin. Then a throaty voice, hoarse, one straining to sound as normal as possible:]

I want to apologize for everything my other self did. [She pauses; she wishes she could say she’d never done it, but in a sense she hadn’t. She wishes she could say it sickens her to see what her other self is capable of, but all the crimes were those she’d committed before.

Maybe all she can say is that she’ll never do it again.]

I won’t ask anyone to trust me after that. But if any of the people I hurt need satisfaction, whether in the form of words or blood, they’ll have it.

Just make it quick, please. I have unfinished business at home.

Private Messages

[Cecil, Vin, and Bond, separately]
We need to talk. [Mostly about how you’d better not be like that normally.]

[Arya]
I am not happy with you.

[Anya and Ben]
Please know that in my right mind I’d never would do anything to hurt either of you. You don’t have to believe it, but I need to say it.

[Zack]
I… Thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.

And I’m so sorry for trying to kill you.

[Friends and Family]
I’m sorry, again, about what I was.

I don’t know why, but I just – graduated. [She sounds supremely confused about this. Yes, Mirror Barge taught her two lessons, that death is cruel but can also be merciful, that war isn’t always the way to go. They seem like such simple truths, but they’re difficult to realize.] I’m going home. If you’re up for it, I’d like to see you before I go.

Comments

private

[versusnurture]

You're leaving.

[There's strength back in her voice now - and anger. Lots of it. Not at Bea, but just in general.]

private

[indispensible]

Yes.

. . . I'm not going to make excuses. There aren't any to make. But I'd like to talk.

[Private, voice forever]

[comfortinconsistency]

[Ngh. In the aftermath, Cecil is much quieter. Less boisterous, less enthusiastic. Much less of his bubbly self. He DOES NOT LIKE KEVIN that was...terrible.

But he puts on a brave, unaffected face and mostly manages to at least insert it into his voice even if his face doesn't quite match.]

About what?

private

[inhell]

...you're going forever?

[ No, no, please say that's not going to happen. ]

[Filter]

[with_my_teacup]

You better get your ass here before you leave.

[Private]

[fearcutsdeeperthanswords]

[She has not been remotely comfortable, thinking about what's happened. It hasn't torn her up, but she's been laying on Nymeria since they could retreat back to their cabin. She doesn't try to ignore the message, but it does trigger her ire, raising her hackles before the fight even starts.

It puts her on the defensive.]

I'm not going to say sorry. That wasn't me.

[Private]

[lastrat]

I'd rather not.

[He's drunk: it's not immediately evident. He's being facetious but at the same time, there is weight in his voice. He's trying to escape dwelling. Talking doesn't make it easier.]

[fridgetothefire]

[The gracious thing, the easy thing to say, is that none of them were themselves. Only Anya doesn't believe that. She feels like that girl was absolutely her. Part of her wants to confess - you were perfect, you were brilliant, except you gave up too soon, not quite ruthless enough to make Dean kill you - but that would just be cruel.]

I believe you.

When you come back, I'd like to resume lessons. But I do have a favor to ask, if I could.

[mirabilis]

She made sense. [ With her reasoning, anyway. It was revenge, and not only for herself but for others too - vengeance. She understood that, and it was reasonable ]

[text]

[routemistress]

you graduated because you deserve to, Bea love

i'm in the ces with an icepack and my dogs if you want to drop in here, else i'll pop in on my way back if you remind me of your room number. brain a bit scrambled still.

p.s. sorry about Bianca. do you remember any of the times other!you had a go at her now?

[fire_punk]

You don't need to apologize. I would've done it anyhow. Or tried.

[Private]

[unknownsoldier]

[He coughs. He's been drinking, since that awful Mirror Barge, but he's sober when he flicks on the feed.]

You're not on my warden item. Congrats.

Don't worry about the [handwave, he trails off.]

[Private]

[forsaken_queen]

[Oh look, someone is back to normal. ]

You're leaving.

[ Private ]

[warisart]

[Almost delicately, but extremely deliberately, Ben ignores the first part of this. He's seen enough people leaving to know that he's fortunate to get to talk to her, first, and he is happy for her.

Typically, there's not much besides the death toll of his own in his voice, though he is slightly more guarded than he might otherwise have been.]

If I do not know that, it would be through no fault of yours. Similarly, do you understand that I was considerably further outside of my own control than I would normally be at present?

[yeahscience]

Congrats. [His voice is cracked and weary, with a flatness that could be taken as sarcasm, but he means it. Unfinished business: he knows what that means in the mouth of an inmate. He remembers saying it himself, once.]