deadliestviper | 040 VOICE LIST SIXTEEN

[Coming out of her first death toll (first real death toll; those times on the Mirror Barge don’t count), Beatrix is in bad shape. Everything hurts and she’s moving much slower than normal, shivering from a cold that just won’t go away. But there are things to be said, news to be shared, and they won’t wait for her to feel better. When the audio clicks on it catches nothing but a breath of air, the sound of hair brushing fabric and skin. Then a throaty voice, hoarse, one straining to sound as normal as possible:]

I want to apologize for everything my other self did. [She pauses; she wishes she could say she’d never done it, but in a sense she hadn’t. She wishes she could say it sickens her to see what her other self is capable of, but all the crimes were those she’d committed before.

Maybe all she can say is that she’ll never do it again.]

I won’t ask anyone to trust me after that. But if any of the people I hurt need satisfaction, whether in the form of words or blood, they’ll have it.

Just make it quick, please. I have unfinished business at home.

Private Messages

[Cecil, Vin, and Bond, separately]
We need to talk. [Mostly about how you’d better not be like that normally.]

[Arya]
I am not happy with you.

[Anya and Ben]
Please know that in my right mind I’d never would do anything to hurt either of you. You don’t have to believe it, but I need to say it.

[Zack]
I… Thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.

And I’m so sorry for trying to kill you.

[Friends and Family]
I’m sorry, again, about what I was.

I don’t know why, but I just – graduated. [She sounds supremely confused about this. Yes, Mirror Barge taught her two lessons, that death is cruel but can also be merciful, that war isn’t always the way to go. They seem like such simple truths, but they’re difficult to realize.] I’m going home. If you’re up for it, I’d like to see you before I go.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm going to be fine.

[Which is a hilarious statement, considering, but in a way she will be, she supposes.]

What does it feel like? Does it feel different? Better, or worse?

I want to make sure of that. My cabin is 4-13.

It's strange. New. Worse, in many ways, but part of that is the death toll.

[She makes an exasperated noise and cuts the feed, abruptly uninterested in hearing about graduation despite the fact that she asked. She's never felt farther from it in her life, has never wanted redemption or even sanity less.]

[A few minutes later, she knocks sharply on Beatrix's door.]

[Abigail's normally so controlled that Beatrix wasn't expecting that at all. Nonetheless she opens her room safe and takes out what she needs, laying it on the little motel desk.

When she hears the knock the door swings open and she steps aside to admit Abigail.]

Are you armed?

[She enters with steel eyes and pulls the hilt of a knife out of her pocket. It looks decorative. It's not.]

I'd have to be an idiot not to be at this point.

Well, stock up.

[She nods to the desk. Sitting on it is a sheathed dagger, plain-looking and old, scavenged from Lakeside.]

[She takes it quickly, her hand darting out to slide it into her belt. Then, suddenly, she's suspicious.]

Why are you giving this to me? Are you going to tell Ben?

Because I want you to be safe.

Do I need to tell Ben?

Ben's the one who gave me this knife. So no. I just don't want to - have a conversation with him about. Choices. Or anything. Not right now.

[She rubs her arm reflexively and looks away.]

Then I won't.

[Bea stays silent, prompting Abigail to go on. But when she doesn't, she changes the subject.]

Were you hurt?

[Blinking slowly, Abigail nods. Then she grins, bright and brittle.]

He let Anya make Dean skin me. Just - [She holds out her fingers a few inches apart.] A little. A smidge.

And I didn't fight back.

Edited 2013-11-01 17:04 (UTC)

[Oh.

Oh.

Slowly, she nods.]

Are you going to hurt them?

No. [This is absolutely true. Incomplete information, but true.] It wasn't Ben. It wasn't Anya.

That doesn't mean I don't want to.

And what about Dean?

It's right that you want to.

Dean didn't have a choice. It was him doing that or Anya doing worse. He made the best bad choice.

But I can't. If I was going to it would be someone who deserved it more.

It's the worst thing, isn't it. To be hurt and unable to do anything about it.

No. Not for me. It's close, but the real worst thing is not even being able to try. Not wanting to. Just - giving up and knowing it'll never end.

Abigail, I'm going home to end the abuse that put me here. When I get back, can I help you try to end yours?

No.

[A knee-jerk response: it's hers. She wants to end it. But - she breathes in. Out. Settles.]

Maybe. I have to think about it.

I won't do anything you don't want me to.

040 VOICE LIST SIXTEEN

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