deadliestviper | 040 VOICE LIST SIXTEEN

[Coming out of her first death toll (first real death toll; those times on the Mirror Barge don’t count), Beatrix is in bad shape. Everything hurts and she’s moving much slower than normal, shivering from a cold that just won’t go away. But there are things to be said, news to be shared, and they won’t wait for her to feel better. When the audio clicks on it catches nothing but a breath of air, the sound of hair brushing fabric and skin. Then a throaty voice, hoarse, one straining to sound as normal as possible:]

I want to apologize for everything my other self did. [She pauses; she wishes she could say she’d never done it, but in a sense she hadn’t. She wishes she could say it sickens her to see what her other self is capable of, but all the crimes were those she’d committed before.

Maybe all she can say is that she’ll never do it again.]

I won’t ask anyone to trust me after that. But if any of the people I hurt need satisfaction, whether in the form of words or blood, they’ll have it.

Just make it quick, please. I have unfinished business at home.

Private Messages

[Cecil, Vin, and Bond, separately]
We need to talk. [Mostly about how you’d better not be like that normally.]

[Arya]
I am not happy with you.

[Anya and Ben]
Please know that in my right mind I’d never would do anything to hurt either of you. You don’t have to believe it, but I need to say it.

[Zack]
I… Thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.

And I’m so sorry for trying to kill you.

[Friends and Family]
I’m sorry, again, about what I was.

I don’t know why, but I just – graduated. [She sounds supremely confused about this. Yes, Mirror Barge taught her two lessons, that death is cruel but can also be merciful, that war isn’t always the way to go. They seem like such simple truths, but they’re difficult to realize.] I’m going home. If you’re up for it, I’d like to see you before I go.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

You're leaving.

[There's strength back in her voice now - and anger. Lots of it. Not at Bea, but just in general.]

Yes.

. . . I'm not going to make excuses. There aren't any to make. But I'd like to talk.

Yes, but not forever.

I'll be back. There's too much here that I need.

[She's unsure whether she should ask about the anger, whether it's directed at her or someone else.] Are you going to be all right?

Thank you. [Excuses are the last thing she wants to hear.]

To begin with, I apologize for baiting you.

I'm going to be fine.

[Which is a hilarious statement, considering, but in a way she will be, she supposes.]

What does it feel like? Does it feel different? Better, or worse?

I want to make sure of that. My cabin is 4-13.

It's strange. New. Worse, in many ways, but part of that is the death toll.

I made it too easy.

[An awkward pause as she slowly realizes this isn't really the right response.]

It's . . . accepted. I think I understand why, a little bit.

I'm sorry that I hurt you. And for how badly I hurt you, and because I knew you were baiting me when I did it. And for getting Arya involved.

[Ngh. In the aftermath, Cecil is much quieter. Less boisterous, less enthusiastic. Much less of his bubbly self. He DOES NOT LIKE KEVIN that was...terrible.

But he puts on a brave, unaffected face and mostly manages to at least insert it into his voice even if his face doesn't quite match.]

About what?

[She makes an exasperated noise and cuts the feed, abruptly uninterested in hearing about graduation despite the fact that she asked. She's never felt farther from it in her life, has never wanted redemption or even sanity less.]

[A few minutes later, she knocks sharply on Beatrix's door.]

I think I understand why you did it. [She can't quite accept the apology yet. Someday, yes, but she'll need time to ruminate on it, to let the injuries go.]

I wish Arya hadn't seen, though.

[Perhaps the hint of strain in his voice shouldn't be comforting, and perhaps it's cruel of Bea to take it that way. It means he isn't the same person as her gleefully psychotic mirror warden, which is very welcome news.]

About whether your tastes in decorating always includes viscera.

[Abigail's normally so controlled that Beatrix wasn't expecting that at all. Nonetheless she opens her room safe and takes out what she needs, laying it on the little motel desk.

When she hears the knock the door swings open and she steps aside to admit Abigail.]

Are you armed?

Ugh. No. By all the decent and good gods, the not Desert Bluffs gods. I prefer my rooms to be free of blood and goop and...organs, thank you.

I really hope this isn't anyone I know.

...you're going forever?

[ No, no, please say that's not going to happen. ]

It's still there?

No. Just for a little while.

There are people back home I have to see.

But you're coming back.

[ This is the important part. She feels pathetic and clingy, like a four-year-old who doesn't want her parents to go to work. ]

[Vin nods. It took her years to forgive Zane, if she can even be truly said to have forgiven him now. Acceptance is the first step, and that took years too.]

I would protect her from that with everything in me if I could. Here, I mean. I was very weak in that place.

I'm not weak here. She'll see the difference, even if it takes a while.

[She enters with steel eyes and pulls the hilt of a knife out of her pocket. It looks decorative. It's not.]

I'd have to be an idiot not to be at this point.

I'm coming back.

OK, then.

[ As though Bea needed her approval. ]

Thanks for... you know.

Well, stock up.

[She nods to the desk. Sitting on it is a sheathed dagger, plain-looking and old, scavenged from Lakeside.]

We all were weak.

It was designed to break us.

Honey, it was the least I could do.

No. I've seen the least people can do.

[ That wasn't 'least'. ]

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